“COUNT DRACULA AND HIS VAMPIRE BRIDE” OR THE PATSY STONE SHOW

I’ll say it again: they sure don’t make them like this 1974 Hammer production anymore. On second thought, have you seen Hammer 2012 THE WOMAN IN BLACK? You should. This time around, Christopher Lee’s more than ready to rule the earth as the ever-impressive count Dracula; with the help of some prominent men and a virulent mutant strain that recalls the death plague. Why does he want to get rid of the entire population? So he can play TITANIC Leonardo DiCaprio and be king of the world!… with his vampire bride at his side—TV’s ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS Joanna Lumley taking over Stephanie Beachman as Jessica Van Hessling. But before he can achieve that, he’ll have to fight the ever-creepy looking Peter Crushing who has yet to kill him once and for all. Not an easy task if based on Crushing’s failed exploits in past films.

COUNT DRACULA AND HIS VAMPIRE BRIDE (aka UK THE SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA) is the next to last in the film series. Little was I aware of that when I watched it. And to tell you the truth, I’m glad, for, as a stand alone piece, it works aplenty. You’ve got fangs, skin, blood; the works. Want more? Add a satanic ritual (so ‘70s), a loooong one, to the mix before the real action kicks in.

As expected, women are the main target in this London-based flick, and thank goodness for that, for it sure wouldn’t be the same without them. Brunettes, blondes, redheads… all ripe and veined-ready to be Dracula’s next meal. Speaking of redheads, the film greatest moment has got to go to Patsy’s… huh…Joanna Lumley’s encounter with the vampire babes in the mansion cellar. One is chained to the wall, wearing little as possible, while others are emerging from their respective coffins. They all want a piece of La Lumley (and with good reasons; she’s a babe after all) but she’s soon saved by her grand papa Crushing and his associates… Four words to that: damn them to hell! But seriously, behind all of this would-be girl-on-girl action sequence exists an apparent feeling of dread, one that can only be captured by the keen eye of the director himself. If only there had been more of the same during the film almost 90 minute run…

Of course it all comes down to a big battle of the fittest between our two main stars while unconscious Lumley just lie there hoping to get saved once again. Will she ever be? Let’s just say that, supposedly, her character is absent in the next film. Perhaps she’s undead, perhaps she’s still alive. One thing’s for sure, though: the film would not have been the same without her pre AB FAB participation. And for that, a simple Right, cheers, thanks a lot is in order.

You can get a hold of COUNT DRACULA AND HIS VAMPIRE BRIDE by purchasing Mill Creek Entertainment movie sets.

　

Until next post—Martin

BARBARA STEELE DOUBLE BILL: “NIGHTMARE CASTLE” AND “THE GHOST”

Oh those bad people in vintage horror films, always trying to con their spouses. In the 1965 low-budget NIGHTMARE CASTLE (the first of two DVD titles from EastWest Entertainment), money is the main reason. And to attain it, Paul Muller has to get rid off Barbara Steele—until the dashing doctor in her care (she is fragile, don’t you know) tries to come to her rescue. That’s about the premise of this gothic black and white period piece that is a fine time waster with lots of atmospheric shots and eerie music. The girl trap in a haunted mansion gimmick does work to its advantage and there are some scenes of genuine creepiness, but as a whole things tend to be a tad repetitive. Still, all is well with the actors and the direction, so you may find yourself enjoying it more than I did.

　

Then in the 1963 THE GHOST (another period piece), Barbara Steele is at it again, this time playing the vilainess who wants to off her invalid husband for his fortune; and in living colors, no less. With he help of her lover Peter Baldwin—her hubby’s doctor—she sets the wheels in motion and ultimately lives to regret it. What’s good about this film, when overlooking its similar plotline, is the way all is played out: From the multiple ghostly apparitions to the creepy sound of one’s music box, everything is old school horror. But what stands out most is how more effective the direction in this one is. Style and scares have never been this much fun, I’m telling you. You may even catch yourself re-playing Steele’s on-screen big emotional breakdown à la PSYCHO (with the brutal swerving of a razor blade and everything). Definitely the strongest of the two films.

　

　

Until next post—Martin

　

　

GOOD AGAINST EVIL & THE SEVERED ARM

Being a B-movie fanatic, you can imagine I’ve seen my dose of shlocks. Some were indeed dreadful, but some were well worth the effort, like this two 'barely know70s flicks. First up is the  supernatural TV movie of the week GOOD AGAINST EVIL (1977) starring the late Dack Rambo and a slew of well-known faces from the big or the small screen (Kim Cattrall, Richard Lynch…). To say this one is compelling would be a lie. Unintentionally funny is more like it. From first reel to last, Rambo and co. serve up the high jinx with all sorts of stupid moves, lame brain decisions in improbable, jaw-dropping situations. The story (if there is one) is simple enough. It revolves around the child of a devil worshipper, who, now grown up and working in a San Francisco dress shop (where there are no gay co-workers in sight !), just can’t seem to keep a good man down. Two words for that problem: San Francisco. Anyway. Unbeknownst to her, she is being offered to Satan who has a thing or two up his horns. While you don’t ever see The Beast in person you do see a ton of so bad it’s so good moments that the film becomes in a way almost as lovable as our next feature.

　

 

Produced in 1973, THE SEVERED ARM is the strongest of the two. It stars a bunch of unknowns (TVs THE WALTONS John Crawford and ALICE Marvin Kaplan being the most recognizable faces) who, after being saved from a collapsed mine and having almost come to eating one of their own (hence the title), start being knocked off one by one à la FRIDAY THE 13TH. This one does not play for laughs and is relatively well-made, even though some of the kills could have been better-handled (I’m thinking of the elevator scene, mostly), but in general the outcome is rather fetching. And the climax regarding the identity of the killer, though clearly evident, is still chillingly effective. We’re dealing with pros, and it shows. Why didn’t writer director Thomas S. Alderman ever continue on making films is a mystery. But I urge you to see his flick if you dig low-budget, unknown little Grindhouse gems.

　

Until next post—Martin